Mastering ‘The Gap’ ~ Stay Aligned, Empowered, and On-Track When Your Goals Feel Out of Reach 2026 |17
Podcast Transcript:
[1:10] Understanding The Gap
Hello, hello everyone, welcome back. Welcome back to According to Who. It's just me today, solo episode with me. I think this is number 17 for us. And I wanted to talk to you all today about a concept that I call The Gap. And I've been having all these different conversations with my clients and with people in my life and people that I meet through my business.
And we talk often about goals and achievements and things that we want to bring into our lives and things that are new. There's a lot of talk going on right now about 2026. We're doing a lot of work with that with our clients, with my clients right now. And what do we want 2026 to look like? We're still fairly new into the year when you hear this.
But I've also been talking to a lot of people about goals that they've been working towards big, what we call growth goals that are not yet here yet. So when people come to me and want to talk about, like I'm doing everything, Julie, I'm like doing all the action. I'm taking the steps. I'm, you know, going through all my to-dos and my actions and it's still not here yet. What I'm trying to achieve is still not here yet.
That is what the gap is. So what's the gap? So the gap that I want to talk to you about today is part of the roadmap. If you think of a roadmap, the roadmap to the goal, the gap is the part of the roadmap between what it is you desire and it being here physically in your reality right now.
So we set these goals and today I'm going to use a few examples around common conversations I have, specifically women that I work with who are working to build their own businesses, that the money isn't here yet, or the volume of money, the amount of money they want perhaps isn't here yet. But this can apply to anything that you are working towards in your life. So it could be a promotion.
Promotion in your job. It could be an increase in your income if you're in your career. It could be increase in revenue in your business. It could be wanting to start a business. It could be health, getting your health to a certain area or level. It could be your soulmate. Maybe you're looking for your soulmate or just improving relationship. It can be any area of your life. You have this desire
[4:00] Navigating Absence and Identity
this goal, this thing that you would like to bring into your life and it's not here yet. Okay, so the roadmap in between the imagined desire, the burning desire, the thing that you want and actually having it. So if we talked about the money, from the dollar figure you have in your mind to it being in your bank account, the road in between is the gap. Okay, so that's what I mean by the gap. So what I wanna talk to you specifically about in this gap,
is what happens when we notice the absence of something. Okay, so we have yet to have what we desire. It is not here yet. And so how we are behaving, how we're being, how we are showing up in noticing of that absence is critical.
Okay, it's critical to create something that you want in your life. This part of it is critical. So let's use some examples. So I already said, we are maybe noticing that we don't have the money yet. We didn't get the increase, we didn't get the bonus, we haven't generated the revenue that we want in our business yet to replace the income, whatever it is. Or maybe it's, you know, I've been doing everything, Julie. I have updated my resume. I have perfected my LinkedIn.
profile, am having networking meetings like several a week and I just have not landed that next job, right? If you're looking for a new job outside of your current one, it's not here yet. And it feels like the market is so hard and it's tight and everything going on in the world and I just don't think it's going to happen. Or the other example I mentioned, your soulmate. I have a lot of clients that are looking for their soulmates, right?
I know this person is out there and I just can't seem to find them. Okay, so those are all noticing the absence of this thing that you desire, right? So I just gave you some examples. So the question I have for you is how do you react in the absence? This is so incredibly important. It's gonna sound simple, but honestly, this is where so many dreams
that I have seen with my clients and people I know have gone right to the back burner. Dreams have collapsed in the gap because of maybe not knowing what I'm gonna share with you today. So how is it that you react when you feel, see, hear an absence of not having what you want yet? Does it feel like a not great circumstance or a circumstance at all?
Does it feel like a delay? Does it feel frustrating? Are you feeling frustration? Maybe anger. Are you feeling fear that it's never coming your way? Does it feel like it's not a possibility for you? Does it feel like it's not available for you? That's for other people, right? If this is resonating with you and you're going, yeah, like I'm so frustrated. I haven't got this money yet. I haven't been able to leave my job. I haven't got the promotion yet. I'm having trouble with my boss, whatever the situation.
[7;20] The Role of Action In The Gap
I wanna invite you today to think of this gap, and some people call it the bridge, you can name it what you want, I call it the gap. I wanna invite you today to think of this gap differently, the space between your desire and your reality. Would you be able to think about this differently? I'm gonna give you some ideas here. Because what's really important is what identity
are you tapping into when you're in the gap? And when you're in the gap noticing an absence of what you want, because you're tapping into some sort of identity. Okay, identity being who you're being, right? Specifically identity is who are you being in the gap?
Okay, so let's go back to our common example, the money hasn't caught up yet. I hear that all the time. Yeah, Julie. And listen, I wanna be clear here because this is also where things go awry and I've seen coaching out there and information where I'm like, oh, this is confusing and this is not totally accurate. I am not suggesting in any way, or form that you ignore the reality. Okay, so if we're using the example, the money hasn't caught up yet.
The reality is whatever dollar figure you want, however you're receiving it, is not in your bank account yet. That is a fact, right? That is a reality. We are not suggesting in any way, shape or form to pretend like that isn't the fact. I've actually literally heard people say, just pretend that's not the case. That's not what we're doing here. Because you can't pretend that. That is the fact that the money that you would like has not hit your bank account yet. Okay? So what your
doing is you're being aware of that. So who are you being while you're aware, while you're having these moments where you are noticing that your desire is not in your physical world yet? We're not saying don't pretend that it's not there. I'm asking who you're being while you are aware that it's not there. Okay, that's a critical distinction in this work.
And this work is, you know, we could call it manifestation. You know, that is a very buzzy word right now and very marketing word. So I like to use the word creation. You're creating something in your life that you want to add to your life. You guys know, we talk about this here all the time. The work that we're doing here at this podcast is to help give you tools and understanding and education and inspiration around creating a life that you love.
[10:06] Old vs New Identity In The Gap
right, in all aspects of your life. We talk a lot about work here, but it's health, it's relationships, it's meaning, it's influence, it's impact, it's philanthropic, all the things, right? We're here to work to create a life that we love. And so I like to use the word creation versus manifestation, but I'm teaching today or talking today about the gap in the creation process, okay? Because this gap,
This space and time, it is critical. It is a critical time in the creation process because the gap can reveal a lot for you. The gap is a moment, is the moment where most people will unconsciously return to an old identity that they thought maybe they'd outgrown or perhaps they don't want anymore.
And why do they do this? Why do they go back to this old identity? Because it's familiar. So think of all of you here that are listening that have had success in your life, let's say in your career. You likely went from point A to point B, the desire for a certain role, let's say, to having that role. There was probably an identity that you followed, that you showed up as, that you were being.
to achieve that. And so if I use my own example, which many of you know, my story is episode one, if you haven't heard it, like that identity for me being promoted to vice president at 31, that identity was hustle, grind, grip, control, prove, no boundaries, sacrifice, work long hour. That's an identity I had and it worked for me. It got me from A to B very quickly.
So that identity became very familiar to me, right? That in my gap, that I'm like, okay, and that is one avenue we can take. That is one path we can take on the gap. And it works for a lot of people. It doesn't always feel great, right? And it can cause other things happen, but it can give you success. It can get you what you would desire in your life.
But the thing is, like I'm saying, in this gap, if that's the way you're being, for me, for example, it was because it was so familiar. We go back to these old ways. So if you're in a situation right now where you're trying to achieve something new in your career, your business, your life, and it's not happening, maybe it's not happening as fast as you would like it, it's not happening the way you thought it would, so we try to control the process. And I'm laughing because this is what I did.
[13:04] Creating Change & New Identity
This is what I did all the time. And I've done this in my business. I've done this in my business now. There's been many times where I am like right back to gotta work harder, gotta work longer, just get it done. Like that whole old identity. Because it's familiar to me, I know it. It makes me feel safe. That version of me makes me feel safe, because I know who she is. And I don't love how she makes me feel, but it usually gets me from point A to point B.
Right? It's not who I want to be, but she does feel safe for me. And here I'm going to give you guys a few, because this concept is so, so important to creating change. I'm going to give you guys some writer downers today, because you guys know my famous writer downers. So this is the first one. So again, it might not be what you want, the identity. You're reverting back into that old hustle and grind, but it feels safe.
because you're controlling, right? You're getting things done. It's the old way. Here's the writer downer. It simply feels safer to be in what you know than to be in what you desire. Okay, I'm gonna say that again. It simply feels safer to be in what you know than to be in what you desire.
Because here's what happens, okay? You decide you want more, you want something different, you want change in your life. You know this, right? You know it, you're ready for it. You feel it in your bones, you feel it in your soul. You probably, like many, feel like you've outgrown this way of creating this success. It's not working anymore. don't want the next, you know, for me, when I was sitting in my office, I thought, I don't want the next 15 years to be like the last 15.
Doesn't mean everything has to radically change. I needed to change how I approach success. I don't want the hustle and the grind and the gripping and the proving and the stress and the overwhelm, right? They weren't working for me anymore, but I knew I wanted something different, right? So then you start to, if that's you, whatever it is, again, we're talking about work, can be anything. So then you start to begin to move.
Right? And I know the women in this podcast were action takers, right? I don't have to say anything about action. You guys know how to take action. So you begin to move. You start to take action. You start to do the things that you need to do to achieve this more money, different job, you know, a new business, whatever it is. And along the way, you're also creating this new version of yourself. You have to, you have to, you cannot have something new in your life with the same
[16:00] The Importance of Trust and Knowing
with the old version of you, right? If you want something different, you're going to need to be somebody different. Unless you want to achieve that success in the same old way, but you already know that's not sustainable. You already know that's not what you want, right? So you create this new identity, you determine like, okay, this is the version of myself. I want to have success, for example, with balance in my life. I wanna make impact. I want to have meaning in my work.
I want to be calm. I want to be steady. I want to be grounded. I'm just thinking of things out loud here, right? So that's a different version than the hustle, grind, stress, all of that. So you've created this new identity. You've defined who you want to be and how you want to show up as her. And you're moving towards the change you want. And you're creating new things, new ideas, new opportunities.
Maybe you're getting new inspirational hits. You're maybe also uncovering. Often what happens is we start uncovering these old beliefs, these old limiting beliefs that aren't serving us anymore. Those are all examples of the doing, right? We're taking action, we're starting to move. And then we get frustrated because we start to become aware that what we want is not coming to us, it feels. It feels like, right? It's not appearing.
Or we start thinking like, how long is this gonna take? And especially a lot of the women in my community are very high achievers. they like things fast that you might be chuckling right now. When we're creating new things in our life, it's not always on our timeframe. So now you're becoming aware that you don't have this thing that you want. The evidence isn't here yet. It starts to feel like a delay.
Sometimes the gap can be, a meaning can be put to the gap of this is a delay. Why is this being delayed? Right? It can feel like the physical world is not responding to all your action. You're doing all the right things. You're, you're now, as long as you're being all the right things as well. And this is what happens sometimes in the gap. One of the reasons why the gap can be frustrating is we desire something. We
Write it down, we declare it, we define it, we're going for it, we're going after it, we're in all in energy and we go right to the doing. That's kind of the old way, right? Without focusing at all on who we wanna be. We need both. But in any event, just, because it's not here yet, it feels like this physical world is not responding. It's not matching your identity, your action right now. Right, the results aren't showing up.
This is literally the exact moment in the gap where the new identity either stabilizes or collapses.
[19:05] Mastering The Gap
When we're working on creating a new identity to come at life in a different way of being a different version of ourselves, we are 100 % in a battle all the time with our old identity and the new identity. And the battle happens in the gap because your old identity is trying to pull you back to the familiar, trying to pull you back to what you know, the how you know how to get things done and pull you back to that old hustle grind.
being on the hamster wheel version of you.
Why? Because it's familiar. That old identity is familiar, you know it. And I've had this happen to me so many times as I've been growing my business. It's happened to me in my career as well, whenever I was promoting up through the ranks. But my experience lately is in my business, where it's just so familiar to go back to the old ways.
So this is where we have to, and this is an awareness for you now. If you're listening to this, you can't not know this now, right? So now it's a choice.
Do I keep the battle going or do I continue to work every day to show up as the version of myself that I want to be?
Right? And here's why this happens. Here's why. And I have this slide in my business. I have these two women in a boxing match and I just love the slide because that's, it related to me. You're literally in a boxing match with your old identity and your new identity. Right? And so the reason why it feels like such a fight is because the old identity interprets the gap as danger.
when you perceive it as a delay. That's the key. The gap is not a delay. The gap is the roadmap and it's unfolding exactly how it's meant to. You're putting meaning to it. You're putting the meaning to it saying, is so long. Why is this so delayed? I'm so frustrated. I don't know what else to do now. I'm trying everything. This is hard. Maybe this isn't available to me. Maybe this isn't my dream.
Maybe I should not even be thinking about this. All that's the meaning you're putting to this fight that's going on in the gap because your old identity interprets the gap as danger, which we know it's not, when you perceive it as a delay or a limitation or a frustration. Okay, so the question that I wanna give you this week that you can ponder on.
[21:50] Awareness vs Identity In The Gap
What happens for you inside you? I'm talking about inside. What happens for you when you feel there's a delay between your desire and your reality? It's like probably one of the most powerful questions in this work. When you're trying to manifest something different in your life, when you're trying to create something new and there is a time gap, there's a time space. I don't even like to use the word time. There's a space between the desire and the reality.
What happens for you when you feel there's a delay between those two? Because how you answer that will inform you the identity you're currently being.
this is critical. So I you know, I've done this work myself. I'm like, my gosh, this work this question, and really pondering this will help you determine if you are coming taking action from a place of lack. And the reason why this is so powerful is because lack is so sneaky. It can be so sneaky, like
you know, if you're questioning yourself, if you're doubting yourself, if you're frustrated, if you feel like you don't have a choice, those are very obvious types of lack. But there's very sneaky ones as well, where you don't even really think it's lack, but it is. And this happened to me the other day. I did this, I do this work all the time, by the way, just to continually check in with myself. And I realized there was a little bit of frustration in an area of my business.
As soon as I felt frustration, that's usually a sign for me. Okay, go in, do this work. And I realized, holy moly, I am coming from a pure place of lack on that area. And I didn't even see it.
right? And what happened for me was I kept saying, see, this isn't working for me. This isn't working. See, this isn't working for me, which you could see this is how it gets sneaky. It can feel like that's a reality because our only measure of whether it's working or not is if we have, you know, in our reality right now, the money in the bank account, the soulmate here.
sitting on the couch beside you, the weights come off, whatever. That's not the only measure, whether it's working or not. That's the one we can feel, touch, see with our senses, our five senses, but it doesn't mean it's not coming to you. It doesn't mean it's not available for you. But when you say things like that, see, this isn't working for me or the money hasn't come here yet, you will be looking for evidence all day long of why this is not available for you. If I say, see, this is not happening.
It's not working for me. I'm going to be looking all day long to prove that it's not working for me. And that's where that statement is super obvious that it's lack, but the scanning all day. And when I thought of that, I thought, my gosh, there it is. There it is. I could see myself all day long trying to prove that this is not working. So what did I do in this situation? I started doing more. I started pushing harder. I started working longer.
[25:21] The Power of Belief and Trust
because that's what I'm familiar with. That's the identity that got me to vice president by 31.
Right? And so then what happens is your actions start to come from this place of gripping and controlling. Right? wasn't even making sense in what I was doing in the day in my business because I was so trying to, I had my knuckle grip on the steering wheel and trying to drive this car down the road the way I wanted it to drive so that I could stop feeling like it's not working.
Meanwhile, I was causing it more, right?
See, it's not working.
Right? then, so what happens, you say to yourself, this is all unconscious, by the way. I gotta go back. I gotta go back to what I know. I gotta go back to what's familiar. I gotta roll up my sleeves and be like I did, you know, through my whole corporate career for me. Because at least I know that worked. I didn't love the way it made me feel, but it worked. It got me what I wanted. Right? And I know who I am when I'm in those actions.
This is what Gay Hendricks from the Big Leap calls the zone of excellence, by the way. If you haven't read that book, I would highly recommend it. Your zone of excellence for all of you that are listening, anyone with high achieving, high performing success, you can do that with your eyes closed. You know how to get from point A to point B. You've done it a million times with certain action. It didn't necessarily feel aligned and meaningful and purposeful, but it got you what you wanted in the end.
Your zone of excellence is you're really, you're good at it, you can do it, you can get it done, but it's not your zone of genius, which is that's being in the identity of what we're describing around grounded and aligned and impactful and knowing and trusting, trusting that it's coming to you, this desire that you want. It's not here yet, but it's coming in this state of knowing, doing what you love. That's the zone of genius.
So my question for you guys this week is could you possibly take different actions in the gap, especially when there's not evidence here that you have or what you want is that you have what you want or what you want is even coming to you.
Could you stop trying to out strategize the gap or the delay through your constant doing?
[27:56] Conclusion: Creating Your Desired Reality
your constant action, because here's the thing, not only are you constantly doing when you're in that state, the hustle, the grind, the gripping, the control, your actions are coming from that state, from that place of being. So I'm not telling you don't take action, but what if you continue to take action from this other place, this other being, from a place of abundance, of knowing, of trusting, of prosperity?
not doing from a place of lack, and a place of lack is the money hasn't caught up yet. I can't find my soul mate. I haven't lost the weight. I'm not getting the promotion. It's too hard.
Right? Because when we're in that state, this is how it gets sneaky. Because, you know, it is a bit tough in the market right now. That doesn't mean you can't get a job. There's lots of jobs being had. There's lots of offers being made. There's lots of promotions happening. There's money flowing. None of that has stopped. Right? I know tons of people that just got the biggest promotion they've ever gotten in their career. Like, it's how we perceive things. Right? And so if we're in those states of lack in the gap,
in that time, we're frustrated, what the delay, why is it taking so long, all the things, guess what happens? The gap keeps generating more gap. The gap keeps generating more lack. The gap keeps getting longer. You're actually lengthening the gap.
You you hear about quantum leaps and how people do things so quick. They're in a state of knowing. They're in a state of trusting. They're in a state of creation. They are working every day, all day to manage their mind, manage the limiting beliefs, manage the noisy chatter of lack, and move it over to this other way of being. Okay, so there's a really important distinction in this.
And we talk about identity. Okay, so you are not taking action to become the identity. This is where a lot of people get this little nuance wrong. And this again, creates a longer delay. You're not taking action to become this identity of knowing, trusting, groundedness, steadiness, calm. Okay, you're actually becoming that identity.
showing up every day, even though the evidence isn't there as that version of you and then the action expresses from there from there. It's an do it. That's why in the leadership model, B do have I always say being and doing are extremely important. You have to take action. But who what action are you taking? What version of you is the action coming from?
Because who you're being, either identity, the hustle grind or the steady calm knowing trusting, either one of them is whatever identity you hold is seeking expression. Okay, that's really, really important. Identity seeks expression and expresses through action. Right, you express who you're being.
So think about this for a moment when you're listening, like think about your relationships. Who are you being in your relationships? Who are you being in your relationship with yourself? Do you love yourself truly right now how you are, no change is necessary. Who are you being around that? Who are you being in your health? Are you constantly negotiating with yourself to go to the gym, to eat healthy, to drink the water, to get eight hours sleep, to do...
take the vitamins, do whatever it is. Are you constantly negotiating with yourself to stay on track there? That's a way of being. Or is it non-negotiable? That these are the things you do every day towards your health. That's an example, right? So if you're being, it's not working yet. This is impossible for me. I don't think this is available for me. This is way too hard, right? I'm not ready.
I'm not ready. I have to do more. I have to do more certifications. I have to do more training. I have to do more learning. I think this might be for other people. I have to go back. I have to revert back. Right? If you're being any of those, you're going to be looking to prove those all day long. But if you're being, you know what? Okay, it's not in my bank account yet, but I know what I'm doing is correct. I know the actions that I'm taking are...
are the right aligned actions for me, inspired action, and I'm gonna keep doing this, and I'm going to walk in full faith, and I'm gonna trust all the things. See, that's a different way of being. You're gonna prove that it's happening. That way of being is gonna spend all day proving that it's coming, that it's available, that it's unfolding exactly how it should. And again, this is all unconscious, by the way.
I I'm sharing today because I want you to be aware of this. The more aware you are, the more conscious you are of it. But most of this is done unconsciously. And so if we're using the old identity examples, not working, money hasn't landed yet, you're going to find problems. You're going to procrastinate, right? You're going to give in, you're going to quit, you're going to worry, you're going to purposely delay, you're going to self-sabotage yourself.
This is what Gay Hendrix calls the upper limit problems. And again, I'm going to talk more about this book in the future on the podcast because I'm just obsessed with it right now. But the upper limit problems, if you don't know about his work, basically his life's work has studied. He's a psychiatrist. studied. We just don't feel, it does not feel familiar for us to feel good. So that's something to take in because
Right? What I'm talking about around lack and limitation, that's very common because it feels very familiar. When we start feeling good, often, humans, do things unconsciously to self-sabotage ourselves. Because it's not comfortable to feel good. It's not familiar, like for extended period of time. So this is the same thing. you're having to walk in trust and faith and
belief that you're capable and that you're worthy of what you want, which by the way you are, that is so unfamiliar for most people. So then the battle starts, right? And so I'll tell you the people that I know in my life and even outside in the world, if I look at some of the biggest successful people in the world, and I've done this my whole career, you could argue, and some of them would tell you that they're master
manifestors. What I would tell you is they are masters at the gap. If you can manifest things in your life, if you can create what you want, if you can create that life that you love living with all aspects of it, you have mastered the gap. The gap doesn't bother you. Or maybe it bothers you, but you don't let it stop you. You don't let it define you.
You don't let it become your circumstance. This is what happens is most people in the gap believe this is their circumstance. It's not.
So that's the key is mastering the gap. So here's the writer downer. If you get one thing from this podcast today, this is what I want you to get.
You can be aware that the money hasn't landed yet without being the identity of the money hasn't landed yet. There is awareness in the gap and there is an identity in the gap. I want you to be the awareness. We are not saying that the money hasn't landed yet. It has. It hasn't.
but that doesn't mean you become that identity and stop the process of it bringing to you, coming to you. This is the work. The work is the difference between awareness and identity. So be the identity that is aware of the reality and we're moving forward still because you're manifesting it, you're creating it. And when we're in lack, we stop all creation.
Right? When we're in need and want, I need this to happen right away. I want this right now. Why is this taking too long? There's no, there's literally no, sorry, you guys, my phone just went off. Real life podcasting. There's literally no manifestation or creation happening. But when we get into knowing, believing and trusting and knowing, that's when we start, especially knowing when you know this is going to happen for you.
When you know you're going to find your soulmate, you know that your health is going to move to what you want it to be. You're going to become health. You know you're getting that next promotion. You know the best job. Your dream job is on its way. Your dream boss, your dream business, whatever it is, when you literally know that, you're in a really good place in the gap. Because you can manage the gap. You can manage however long that road is. Right? This is the work.
Being aware of reality, but not letting it define who you are. Not putting meaning, lack of limitation, meaning to the gap.
Okay, if you master the gap, you can create anything you want in your life.
Trust me on this.
